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Math final went better than expected, so now I’m just waiting for the results

My father is there for me materialistically

but not emotionally

I’ve never really been the type of person that “lives in the moment”. I often dwell on childhood memories because they were the happiest moments of my life. Then, I think about my future a lot. I don’t know if I worry or fantasize how my lifestyle would be. I think about it a lot. I even plan out who I should marry, how many off-springs I should birth, what my kitchen should look like, etc… Isn’t it weird? And especially for me, considering I won’t move out of my house until I get arranged married (or not solely “arranged”, I’d rather call it assisted marriage but I will give you a further explanation of that, later some other time) and its not because I don’t want to move out before I’m married, that simply is the norm in my culture. Sigh sigh sigh I forgot what the point of this post was

Can’t share that with anyone, not even the said person so I thought I would share it with you.

I don’t know if its too personal, I mean, all relationships have fragile sides, right?

Communication with my dad has been very awkward lately…well for the past 2-3 years. He doesn’t really show any emotion when we’re around each other. Only irritation and anger, that is. Its really awkward and it makes me think of the times where we used to be really close. Like a real daughter and father relationship. We have drifted apart because of all the issues with my sister which has caused him to push me away. I don’t know if its one of his unaware actions, but I’m curious to know if he feels the same about this situation. When I’m home by myself and he gets home from work or whatever, we try to avoid each other because most times its just awkward and boring and we just mumble to each other. We never really talk openly, about feelings or happenings… At least I’m really close with my mama. I just wish my relationship with my dad didn’t form this way. 

Although for the past 4-5 years our relationship have been very rocky and unpredictable, so it doesn’t really surprise me. Also a few years back my grandma came home from Sri Lanka with my hindu horoscope, it said that I will study well, but my relationship with my father would be very fragile. I don’t know if I should believe in that stupid piece of paper… I didn’t back then but now I kind of do.

Ahhhhr, sigh.

I’m going to Sri Lanka again next sunmer and this time I’ll only be able to stay there for about four weeks. This will be my fifth time in Sri Lanka, although I’ve been there a couple of times it always takes some time for me to adjust to the climate but I’m getting better at it. I definitely need to bring my baby, and by baby I mean my camera of course. But before the trip I have to invest in a 50mm f/1.4 and maybe a 17-40mm.

Supposed to be studying for math final on tues but I keep procrastinating

I’ve been taking a break from running because I injured my leg, but I should be back on track now and I think I will begin running again on thursday. I can’t wait to get in shape again. And I also can’t believe that tomorrow is the last school day. After that its all finals/exams so I just have to study and study and study. I want all A’s. Nothing less

The mysterious things about a person are often the best things about a person